Flaming Fanmail
by LumosMaximan
Summary: Hi, I'm not dead! Harry, Seamus and Neville go through fan mail that Harry had received that was sent to the Auror office, and they marvel in some of the letters as well as a small one from a certain someone. Little rusty a writing but hopefully you'll chuckle :) Enjoy


**Hi, this may not be the best I have written, and sorry for not posting stories for a while; had to finish my final portfolios for University and had tremendous writers block. So hope you enjoy it either way :)**

**[Disclaimer]**

"Harry, what are going to do with all these?" Seamus questioned him as soon as he entered the office.

"With what?" he absently asked, not looking up from the latest copy of _The Daily Prophet_ as he sat himself down at his desk.

"These!" Harry chose the awful moment to look up as a sack came flying towards his face, knocking his glasses off in the process.

"What the bloody hell!" Harry yelped as he whacked the sack off his lap and fumbled around for his glasses, which he was gratefully handed to by Neville, "Christ, Seamus, what the hell was that?"

"You're adoring fans, Mr Potter!" Seamus smirked as he sat himself happily on the edge of Harry's desk and pulled the post sack onto his lap, untying the string he pulled out several envelopes; some studded with little hearts and others smelling faintly of lavender, and scattered them around onto Harry desk.

"Not on the paperwork" Harry whined as he pushed the offending envelopes out of the way of his newest Auror cases.

"Oh cry me a river Potter" Seamus smiled as he merrily dumped the envelopes over Harry's head and chuckled as they fluttered down his shoulders and surrounded him in his seat, "Be admired by those who love you!"

Harry huffed as he shook himself free from the postal massacre, "I don't even like this bloody fan mail!"

"Well, I do" Seamus declared as he plucked a random letter from the horde and began tearing into it, "I love what the poor helpless saps have to say to their adoring Saviour!"

"Can't be as bad as the last batch" Neville smirked as he gathered up more of the envelope form the floor and plonked them on the desk, ignoring the glare from Harry as he pushed them away.

"Can't we just toss them away?"

"Imagine what everyone would say if they discovered their letters were only tossed away by the Hero of the Wizarding World, their little hearts would shatter" Seamus held his hands over his heart as Harry glared intensely towards him.

"They can't be that bad Harry, look we already went through them-"

"You went through my mail?"

"-and sorted out the howlers and some of the hecklers" Neville ignored Harry's statement and followed Seamus' lead of ripping open Harry's letters.

"Exactly, Neville agrees so it O to do it!" Seamus stated as his eyes skimmed across the lilac paper he held firmly in his hand, "Ha! Listen to this: '_Mr Potter, You must know how deeply I feel for you, that you are the man of my dreams. I know fate needs us to come to together and form a loving bond_', Oh this is priceless!" Seamus laughed as he handed Harry the letter.

"Do you think she would be offended if I declined?" Harry rose and eyebrow at his admires passionate words.

"Yes, most likely" Neville smiled as he flipped there the ages of another letter"

"I can't help it if I don't want to be the celebrity rather of someone's baby."

"Well why not?" Seamus gave him a serious look, "Some poor woman out there is probably heartbroken now because you don't want to put out for her!"

"Can we move on?" Harry yelled as he tried to find his latest case folders under the sea of bizarre fan letters.

"This one doesn't seem to bad" Neville pointed to the rather tatted piece of paper in his hand, "'_Dear Mr Potter, I just want to say I'm your biggest fan, you are my hero and I want to be just like you when I grow up'" _

"See, little kid letters can be that bad! Do you have no soul?" Seamus asked dramatically as he pointed frantically at Neville.

"Alright, alright, some letters aren't that bad"

"See! One point to Seamus!"

"Fine, how about this: '_Mr Potter, you don't understand how I feel. Every time I hear about you in the paper or your voice on the wireless, you make my body tingle, especially my_-" Neville cut off, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.

"Neville?"

"You know what?" Neville firmly folded letter the shut, "I don't think that it the type of reading we should get involved in at 10 o'clock in the morning!" He leant to place the letter on the table only to be plucked from his grasp by Seamus who neatly tucked it into this jacket pocket

"Seamus!"

"What?" He looked up to the bewildered looks of Neville and Harry, "I'm lonely, and I need something surprising in my life! Don't judge me!" Harry chuckled as Seamus patted nicely at his pocket.

"We need to get you a girlfriend"

"Oi, not all of us are married, Mr Saviour of the Wizarding Universe!"

"It wasn't the Universe" Harry huffed, "It was only Great Britain, only mildly important"

"Moving on" Neville said not wanting for yet another debate to occur between Seamus and Harry, "Next letter!" ignoring Harry's huff of annoyance.

"Are we getting paid to read letters or prevent Dark Wizards running around Britain?"

"Britain can wait" Seamus waved his hand as his eyes danced across the next letter, "How often do we get to indulge in your fan mail?"

"You do it every other week!" Harry exclaimed.

"Shush, reading!"

"Oh, this one is definitely interesting" Neville turned to Harry and handed him the letter, who huffed in the process, not really wanting to read the words of fathering some random women's children or running away with them to do unmentionable things. However, this particular letter caught his attention.

'_Dear Mr Potter,_

_I am extremely grateful for what you did for the Wizarding World and being the brave Chosen One in defeating The Dark Lord and his horrid band of Death Eaters. You are my hero and I shall always cherish what you did for my family and me._

_However, I would like to point out one particular problem you have._

_Harry, if you leave you Goddamn dirty laundry on the hall landing one more time I swear to Merlin I will set fire to your flaming wardrobe, even your Quidditch gear and as a special treat to me, I will even make a sparkler out of your Firebolt. It will be such fun, especially now I happen to recollect you dropping one of your shirts on the floor last night, and I'm just writing to let you that I'm having a little bonfire at 10:30 and I hope you can make it!_

_Once again; big fan and Thanks again for stopping You-Know-Who,_

_Much Love, Draco Malfoy'_

"Oh Christ he was serious!" Harry darted form his seat and headed towards the floo.

"Aren't you glad we read your fan mail now Harry?"

"Shut your mouth Seamus!"


End file.
